My friend is more than a bird: courier of dawn, wind maker, music in deafening silence, but she is still all of that.
Her featherless skin gives it away and the missing wings — not that anyone notices.
Performing alchemy is what sets her apart when she reaches for the dark bits in the soil and air and lifts them to her chest then permutes them into shine;
that is not of bird,
but that is like a bird too. Ingesting and scattering seeds, the nesting and queried peeps and long sight, yet in a flock meant to fly instead has feet which walk the earth
like a forgotten breed of ostrich that fell out of fashion or evolved, she was found roosting near my tree.
I joined a poetry forum in an attempt to poke me into writing more and get some critical judgement. The forum seems to be mostly 17 year olds that use poetry as a soapbox of “I NEED TO TELL MY FEELS!!!” which has caused me to react in a number of ways.
Terrible Love Poetry
You left me that night I drunkenly called you a whore. Our arguments were pyrotechnic by then and escalated to grease fires, slippery showers, home invasions.
I remember the night we ate psychotropics under magnolia trees to watch blooms wave and burst like campfire embers. Visions of you, a deity among the stars, called me along the trail like a pilgrim into your hands - cupped hands - as if an oyster was gathering sand.
There are times I still wake up caught in the muscle memory of one arm upon your abdomen while the other rests in the space between a pillow, your neck, the mattress.
“There’s a very deep strain of existential gratitude that runs through a lot of poetry. It’s certainly in haiku. Almost every haiku says the same thing: it’s amazing to be alive here. There’s a little haiku: ‘A cherry tree in blossom / In the distance / I hear a dog barking.’ Those two things have nothing to do with each other, except the fact that the poet was there to see and hear them. So the haiku is saying, I was here. ‘Kilroy was here.’ To appreciate the wonder of that, you have to imagine the absence of that, of not being there, of nonexistence, right? I consider poets to be a part of a larger group of people who don’t have to survive major surgery or go through a windshield in order to feel grateful for being alive. It shouldn’t require such traumatic experiences to feel grateful. So I think a love of language and a sense of gratitude would be two ingredients in the recipe for making a poet.”
Soft lamp shinin and me alone in the night. Soft lamp shinin and me alone in the night. Can’t take no one beside me need mo’n jest some man to set me right.
I left many people and places tryin not to be alone. Left many a person and places I lived my life alone. I need to get myself together. Yes, I need to make myself to home.
What’s gone can be a window a circle in the eye of the sun. What’s gone can be a window a circle, well, in the eye of the sun. Take the circle from the world, girl, you find the light have gone.
These is old blues and I sing em like any woman do. These the old blues and I sing em, sing em, sing em. Just like any woman do. My life ain’t done yet. Naw. My song ain’t through.
A.R. Ammons was born and raised in the town I live in now.
Hymn — A.R. Ammons
I know if I find you I will have to leave the earth and go on out over the sea marshes and the brant in bays and over the hills of tall hickory and over the crater lakes and canyons and on up through the spheres of diminishing air past the blackset noctilucent clouds where one wants to stop and look way past all the light diffusions and bombardments up farther than the loss of sight into the unseasonal undifferentiated empty stark
And I know if I find you I will have to stay with the earth inspecting with thin tools and ground eyes trusting the microvilli sporangia and simplest coelenterates and praying for a nerve cell with all the soul of my chemical reactions and going right on down where the eye sees only traces
You are everywhere partial and entire You are on the inside of everything and on the outside
I walk down the path down the hill where the sweetgum has begun to ooze spring sap at the cut and I see how the bark cracks and winds like no other bark chasmal to my ant-soul running up and down and if I find you I must go out deep into your far resolutions and if I find you I must stay here with the separate leaves
Undervalued baking soda relegated to laundry and cookie ingredient aisles, delegated as detergent booster to scour grime, tubs, and tiles.
Light, airy, fairy dust of chemical alchemy transmogrifies into carbon dioxide breath. Raising dough brought you celebrity, yet once you cleaned wounds to stave off death.
You birthed soap in ancient Egypt through the miracle of alkali saponification but could have saved the Library of Alexandria had they known you could be used for fire suffocation. Essential to sixth grade science fair volcanoes, your chemical reaction is now a sophomore prank to terrorize restroom patrons as the toilet flushes with you in the bowl and vinegar in the tank.
Finger the navel, undress red, leather-bound skin to honeycombs, compartmentalized beads of royal jelly ready to be inhaled. Scrape your lips on yellow pith, unceremoniously stain fingers in tart juices of god folly. Your teeth are pestles grinding flesh and seed together as you serpentine your tongue to catch pellets as a handful escape this trap, spite a hungry mouth, dye clothes, and color the earth.
These spiritual window shoppers who idly ask, “How much is that?” “Oh, I’m just looking.” They handle a hundred items and put them down, shadows with no capital.
What is spent is love and two eyes wet with weeping. But these walk into a shop, and their whole lives pass suddenly in that moment in that shop.
Where did you go? “Nowhere.” What did you have to eat? “Nothing much.”
Even if you don’t know what you want, buy something, to be a part of the exchanging flow.
Start a huge, foolish project, like Noah. It makes absolutely no difference what people think of you.
- Jelal AdDin Muhammad Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks